has begun and I'm really excited about it this year. I have so many things I want to accomplish during Lent and hopefully beyond. Every year I have a hard time deciding what to 'give up' ( mostly because I'm weak and my good intentions never pan out) but this year I'm determined . I can't remember what I gave up last year...but I'm pretty sure I was sucessful. I think it was Soda....but just can't remember( how bad is that..LOL). So, this year I'm actually going to give up unnecessary shopping. No new clothes, shoes, accessories, decor, magazines,books....etc. I will only purchase things we need. I 've always wanted to do this...but my selfishness always got in the way...but I'm feeling different this year. I don't know...my satisfaction in shopping really hasn't been that great these days....and I think I'm really ready to conquer the Shopaholic Monster in me.
I also have been thinking of my 'Word of the Year" ...LOVE? So far it hasn't been a very "Loving" year.....it started out with CDR and I bickering and hasn't really stopped...Valentine's was pretty much a flop as well....I know a LOT of the Problem is me and my attitude( although HE could definitely use an "attitude adjustment" too!)but, the fact is I can only change myself and that is something I'd like to work on this Lenten Season. How can "I" be more loving? How can I share it?etc. etc.
And although this may sound 'selfish" ( I know I have a bad habit of using 'quotes" too much...LOL and "LOL" too much ...sue me!) but I need to really focus on taking care of ME...not to become "self -centered" or anything...but to maybe lessen the demand for others to have to take care of me....If I can LOVE myself instead of trying to force it from others...If I can find MY OWN happiness instead of making others responsible for it? That kind of thing.
And the biggest thing I need to focus on God more. Turn to him for help.. Be thankful for all he gives me. I really want to spend this time meditating and reflecting on what it is to follow Christ?What role can prayer have in my life? I think this is the thing I have a really hard time with....leaving it all to God? Trusting him? Why can't I? It's like I KNOW I would be happier and more content if I just trusted God with everything and stopped worrying who 'loves" me or 'cares' about me...or what I can 'get' from other people...just let God BE all that for me....but then I worry that IF I do that then I'll never actually GET what I want from others(love, caring, etc etc.) Which is silly because if I HAD all that in God...why would it matter if I didn't get it from them? and I KNOW that chances are I probably even WOULD get it from them because I wouldn't be such a needy, grasping, shrew....and they then COULD give me what I so desperately WANT from them.
Anyway, I really want to make a lot of changes in my life...it's something I've been thinking about for a long time....I've mentioned many times in the past my desire to be more Green, Simplify, be less materialistic, be more Natural....self sustainable..more relaxed... etc..and I think NOW is the time to start....it's a struggle ..part of me would really like to just live a simple, farm type life...not worry about the latest fads and fashions...etc.
Of course with CDR building us our very own McMansion it seems to condradict everything I claim to want...but I need to find a way to make it work...